sideways attack

School started yesterday, and I must say, that though I tried not to think of the beginning of last semester(when I was pregnant) I did. I thought it when I decided to walk up 6 flights of stairs(something I normally do, but didn't while P), I thought it when I decided to go to the school cafeteria/salad bar(something P people shouldn't do), and I thought it when feeling my normal "first day of classes" nervousness, instead of last semester's "I am already having morning sickness, please let them think I am shiny b/c I am hot or nervous."

I also had an attack of sadness last week at my brother's birthday dinner. We were at a long table, and I was seated next to a woman I don't know, she was wearing a fashionably baggy sweater thingy.
You can see where this is going, but I didn't.

We had pleasant "I don't know you but we both care for N" conversation. Then, about 30 minutes in, another of their friends leans across the table and says "how are you feeling, are you nauseous?" The woman replies, says "No." (slow person me, starts to be like "huh?") then the friend says, "Wow, you're hardly showing, how far along are you?" Turns out she was 6 months, about 2 wks ahead of where I would've been. I still remained calm, while cursing the current baggy trend. But the friend started into a fired barrage of questions: "It must be awesome to be pregnant in winter, right? You must be so excited to be due in spring. Was it great to celebrate Christmas with a big belly?" etc. I managed to try and tune many of them out.
But, as these were all things I wanted to be able to answer "Yes!" to, and as I had already had a mojito, my filter was totally off, and I actually started to cry at the table(before I really knew what was happening). I squeezed my way out and ran to the bathroom. While in there, I tried to calm myself down, thinking "you don't know how she got pregnant, etc" but realized that is was really just hearing answers that I might have given, had we not miscarried, that got to me. I returned to the table, and tried to keep my puffy eyes secret. Mr. S says no one noticed. Who knows?



Most days I am much better, and the Sha.red Risk quandary certainly fills my brain more than 'what could be' thought. Most days.

In IVF news, still haven't made a decision, but need to within 10 days, if we are going to get started. In the meantime, I got my protocol. They want me on 20 units of lupron before the period/lupron evaluation. Last time I was on 10(as part of the study) anyone know why they want me MORE suppressed? Lupron is yucky and gave me a migraine, before.

I am excited about the weekend, there are a rash of Inaugural parties, and though my birthday is Sunday, we're going to wait a week to do anything with friends. There is too much going on!