18 months and finances(not really wholly related)

Since our little Acorn was born, I have been working very part-time. Overall, I love it, as I get out of the house 2x a week and get to talk to adults and pee when I want to, even for just a couple of hours. Plus, b/c of working pt, I get lots of time to watch Acorn develop and grow. Sometimes people ask me how I managed to get my job to let me work pt and I laugh, as there were major budget cuts right before Acorn was born, and I wasn't given any choice. For about 6 months now I've known I'd like to work a tad more(for money, for 'time to myself').. But, it isn't so easy to find more part-time work(or even good ft work) in my field. And, I have student loans on major deferral which need to be paid. With that in mind, I've been applying for FT jobs(some in my old field, more marketable) for about 6 months(only 1-2 a month, nothing crazy) and I keep getting to the 2nd round and then not making it further, or having the job disappear b/c of budget cuts. Argh!

There are days I feel like a failure, for being unable to find work, it can be unbelievably disheartening. I also get angry with myself for taking loans out to study such an unprofitable(financially) discipline.

Today I had a talk with a fellow mom that gave me some perspective. Without going into great detail about her own life, she is facing the end of her marriage and the end of her savings, and is on state health care. Trying to find a way to work and stay with her son.

My debt is no small thing, but it made me grateful for what I do have, a loving husband, health insurance(crappy high deductible, but there(, pt work and time with my Acorn.

And, she is 18 months old today and I feel so lucky to be a parent to this smart, fiesty, dancing girl. I am trying to maintain perspective and hold hope that there will be good work for me, paid work, soon, and that, in the meantime, I have this unpaid and highly rewarding work, during this fleeting toddler time.

pre-birth(unpaid) leave?

I had my first "I assume you are expecting." comment, I guess I really am showing(though I still think I look like I drink too much beer)...

I'll try and upload belly shots next week, when I get my NEW computer!!! I've been using an old hand-me-down computer, which has worked fairly well, and been a great help, but now that I am working online every day(teaching a summer online writing course) I am ready for the new, speedy one! It should arrive by next Friday.

I am having a quandary about time off next semester. I thought I'd be required to take the semester off, as it isn't like high school(etc) where they just bring in a substitute. But, I was told there is no set protocol.

I am currently scheduled to just teach one class, 2 days a week, class time is 1 hr. 10 minutes. The rest of the work is stuff I can do from home. Most weeks, that is just another 5 hours. So, less than 10 hrs a week of work.

I don't want to have to take off all of Sept. and Oct. for my Nov. due date, especially as I don't get paid, if I don't teach. Also, I love the class, and it is such a breeze to teach now(as I've taught this class, at this school, for 3 years).

If I did teach, I'd just set the class up to have a sub(I'd have to find one) for the week of the birth(whenever that may be) and/or make assignments and an online plan for that time period. The semester ends in the first week of Dec. and before that, we have thanksgiving break. I talked to a friend in academia who returned to classes the week after her son's birth and said it was fine, and that if I love teaching it, to do it(that she would)... The main worry: I don't want to cheat the students.

If I don't teach: we are out the money, but were expecting to be, so could manage, thriftily. I may be a bit stir-crazy those 2 months, or may like all the freedom. Either way, it will be nice to have the extra time, either not working at all, or such a reduced schedule.

Because the hour requirements are so minimal, I am seriously pondering it..
Thoughts?

It's $300-that's crazy- It's $10,000- oh, OK

Lately I notice little things that friends have, things that cost 2 to 5 hundred dollars. I am always amazed that they have it, that they bought it. Whatever it is. These are not frivolities, for them, these are things they use. But, I have this strange 'child behind christmas window glass' feeling about the idea of myself having such things.

I realized yesterday that Mr. S and I have grown so accustomed to an IF related 'money lockdown' that any expenditure beyond food, mortgage (basic necessities) seems like an extravagance. We haven't had a real(read not staying at friend/family) vacation in years. Mr. S has FIVE weeks of vacation time saved up! We even avoid going out to movies. It is a bit ridiculous. The current downturn, people tightening their belts, etc. feels all too familiar to us.

For the past 2 1/2 yrs we've been shelling out anywhere between $1000(IUI) to $10,000 (IVF) on a mildly regular basis. No wonder I can't imagine owning an ipod, iphone, new computer (new roof).

We'll be paying this IVF off for another 16 months, but in the meantime, we may have some money (hello tax return after major health care expenses) coming our way.

Neither of us is prepared to dream of being truly beyond paying(constantly) for our infertility. Of wondering how much the next treatment will be. But, for now, I am pregnant. If we are lucky, we'll have something else to put our money to.

I hit seven weeks Sunday. I am excited!

I've had on and off nausea for about a week now, the only let-up is when I eat, or (oddly) this weekend, when I had a terrible cold.

In money dreaming meantime, I was just mailed a catalogue of computers. I am using a hand-me-down laptop that is 6 yrs old. I am starting to dream of a newer computer. No more frozen screens. ....