file purging

Sorting through papers in our files, I just purged almost an inch thick pile of papers from our infertility to pregnancy journey(2006-2009, 2012-2013). Wow. So much time, money, bloodwork, meds, heartache, loss, and the final end: me sorting through papers while child 1 is in preschool and child 2 naps. (I'll never stop being grateful for them)

Things I found that other swith IF would appreciate: months of tcoyf charts, our initial consultation paperwork, our first and second IVF protocols, our loan paper for IVF 2 (the one that brought us our girl), the decision sheet about whether to do shared risk IVF(we didn't, we decided that the very fact that they qualified us meant we might succeed), our release letter from our RE to a plain old OB, and more.

I really hope that everyone on this journey gets this type of opportunity, to almost forget about such a file, and realize it is no longer necessary to keep it.

a new year

The tree is down, the needles have been swept up, and the ornaments have been packed, with care. Acorn is at an age where she can help make ornaments, which means we have a few extra ones to pack. She and I made applesauce cinnamon ornaments a few weeks ago. The first day we had the tree, she came down from her nap and hugged the tree, her arms half-circling the greenery. She is quite sad that it must go.

Dahlia is almost 9 months old. She is starting to wave, almost clap, loves looking at books that have photos of babies. She is growing quite well. Her favorite person to watch is her big sister, her favorite person when she is tired is this Mama, and her favorite person to vocalize with is her Daddy.

We tried to keep the holidays low-key, but that is impossible when you have lots of very-happy-to-have-children-around relatives. I remind myself that we are lucky to have so much love and generosity surrounding us, and I hope that I will find a space for all of the *stuff*.

miscellany in October

Dahlia turned 6 months old last week, amazing.
There are still days that I catch myself surprised that I now have a family of four. All those years of infertility, wondering, if I'd be a mother, and now I am, and to two girls. Wow.

Sleep continues to be the biggest challenge of motherhood, for me. I just don't have it in me to let my kids cry it out. Acorn sleeps like a champ, now. Since starting eating, Dahlia is sleeping better, some nights, but some nights she waked every 45minutes to 1.5 hours. Yikes.

After a rough first month of preschool(which meets 3 days a week, from 9-1) Acorn is suddenly loving preschool, so much so that the girl who used to say "I don't want to go anymore" was sad when school was closed on Friday for a professional day.

I am still working part-time(just two days, 4-6 hours each), which has been great for my sanity, though not in the moments when I am trying to get all three of us out the door. When I am teaching, I forget to worry about the baby, I talk about literature and learn from my students. Lovely.

Mr S was furloughed during the recent idiocy, and our fragile 'just barely making it' financial situation really hit home. As a contractor, he doesn't get back pay. I am still infuriated with the people who used that platform for grandstanding.

But, in our personal life, I still feel it is a good thing to have me home as much as I am, and I have hopes that we'll make it through these years, not able to go on vacations or fix up the house, but happy the girls had so much of my time. I figure I can work more when they are both in school.

little ms independence

Acorn had her first week at camp last week. It was bittersweet. She has never been in daycare or preschool, just relative and friend care. (yes, we are lucky)
So, drop-offs were hard, but she had a great time every day(space camp, imaginative play, half day)...
I almost cried the first day. I imagine that is how it will be with preschool.
And, she has learned to swim. Mind you, she wears a flotation vest. But, she is paddling around the big pool, no longer holding on to me for dear life.

There is nothing that can make you notice how swiftly your infant's life is changing then seeing her older sister blossoming and growing.

Dahlia is a joy and delight. She is full of smiles. She is very intent on looking at people who are talking to her, and just rolled over(back to front). She is 3.5 months old. She is dealing with her first illness, and has been rather screamy, especially at 2 am, but seems to be on the mend. The hardest thing for me(other than seeing her upset and losing sleep) was that I was short-tempered with Acorn. It really made me quite sad.

My life is very full, and I don't get much done, beyond keeping us fed, clothed, and active(going to our neighborhood pool, mostly).. but, my girls are happy, and that is what is important.

eight weeks

my little Dahlia arrived 8 weeks ago. She came fast and fierce, as I have heard many second babies do. Between my intermittent overnight contractions, dropping Acorn at her Grandma's, and rainy Friday morning school traffic, we only got to the birth center 22 minutes before she was born.
This means I did NOT get my strep B shot. (but, it turns out that infection risk goes way down when the baby comes so fast)
This means our doula arrived a few minutes after the birth. (she did help the midwife clean up, took some photos for us, and went and bought us some croissants)
This means the midwife barely got her gloves on, and I was halfway in the tub and the baby just came out!
 
She has a wonderful latch, nurses well, sleeps comparatively well(for a newborn, hey, we take what we will get)... Some nights she wakes 1-2 times(between 10-6) and sometimes more.
Acorn is a really wonderful big sister, and if she gets jealous, she gets frustrated at me and Mr. S, never taking it out on Dahlia.

We go out pretty often(because being home, alone, with a very talkative 3.5 year old and a newborn makes me stir crazy), mostly to places within 10 minutes of here. We are lucky to have so many friends and kid-friendly activities nearby, I am still on nursing lockdown(in that baby sometimes wants to nurse every 1-2 hours, and does so for 20+ minutes).
I have SO much less anxiety than I did with Acorn. Oh my. I don't expect her to die, if I ignore her or don't hear her, for 10 minutes. I do have weird paranoid thoughts, especially when up at 2 or 4 am, such as "If a baby gains a lot of weight, is it a sign of a health problem?" or "Her head is too slopey- she must have a brain defect." But in the light of day, I usually realize how crazy those thoughts are.
I can tell she is growing, and her poopy diapers are the right color. She has started to smile, and moves her head when wanting to watch something.
In these first weeks, it is the small things!

Acorn's Day, and 39 weeks(me)

A friend of mine sometimes writes down her child's day and/or current interests and likes.
Today was rather lovely, and I am aware of how soon my attention will be changed and divided very very soon. I decided to record some moments from our day.

April 8, 2013, Acorn is 3 and 1/4. I am (hopefully) days away from having a baby. I have Monday off, so we usually gather with other part-time (at home) parents...

1030am = helping push cart at costco, "look at how fast my feet are going!" and then "Now it looks like the street is moving!"
arboretum with friends and cousin= lots of running around on the hottest day since fall, 2-4 yr olds running around the field and herb garden, rolling down the hill, stopping by the blanket(under the blossoming cherry tree) to drink water, to complain, to cry, to show me a new spin.
Joy and sorrow all intermixed, moment to moment. (the life of a 3 1/4 yr old, esp. when Mama is 39 weeks pregnant and not willing to run around)
played silly hats with NM(2ndcousin) and M (two of my hats, too big, one of M's, too small) running and giggling and falling and laughing.
home and nap.
Wakes, tells me a fairy visited. The fairy had a green dress and yellow hair and skin(yellow like a daffodil) she was big like Mama.
read some stories, eat.
430pm dancing and making up new dances, first, 'the stepstool dance' which involves jumping from the stool to the(just placed) mat in the kitchen, next dance 'the ice cream dance' lines up her 'friends' Maisie, jellycat and bunny rabbit on dining room floor. Each one has their arms up, lying on the floor. She lays amongst them, stretches out, says, "I am the ice cream, they are the ice cream cones."
Comes in with 'friends' in grocery cart, because 'Mama, the class is over.' and hands me each one, saying, "the children have come home from school." I am holding all four of them(winged frog was added to the dancing crew.)
conversation before heading out to plant things (this was preceded by "Please let me watch TV RIGHT now!") her current TV loves: Charlie and Lola, SuperWhy, Sesame Street, Thomas
our quick talk
"Soon I am going to be a big sister. Aren't you excited?"
Yes
"But I wish I wasn't going to be."
"why?"
"I just want to be myself."
"You'll be yourself."
"I don't want to be different."
"You'll be yourself, you'll just love a new person."

37 weeks, and sibling memory

chugging right along with this pregnancy. Things are going well. I wake way too often, and feel a sense that I just can't get enough done, esp. before true sleeplessness begins again. However, I continue to be so grateful for this new baby.
Our friends and loved ones have been showering us with gatherings and gifts, and I just can't believe our luck, we live in such a great community.
A few people have made sure to either give Acorn a gift, or talk to her about what a great big sister she will be. She and I had been having that conversation already, but it has really activated her awareness. She will now say things like, "I will be able to turn on the light for the baby, because I am a big girl and I am growing." etc. So adorable.
She will be 3 1/4 when the baby is born, and it is crazy to think she(later) probably will only have a tiny handfull of memories that don't involve this not yet born sibling.

28 weeks

am 28 weeks along now, crazy to be on the verge of the third trimester!
I had my birthday last week. It was low-key after last year's 40 hoopla. Got to have dinner at Oyamel on actual birthday and drinks/dinner with a few friends, so nice, the next night. Never been pregnant on my birthday, before. I am sort of enjoying this whole different season while pregnant, thing. I've had to buy some clothes, as Acorn was born in early November, which meant I didn't need to be super warm and bundly while big. (first tri was during winter, but not showing, then)
I keep reminding myself of how temporary my large belly and unwieldy-ness are. And, that there are yummy cocktails in my future!
Depending on who I talk to, I am either quite large(family, mostly, who are excited about proof of baby, I think) or 'hardly showing for 28 weeks' (mainly friends who've had two kids. It is strange to get such vastly different responses, when people see me. Belly is a main topic.
It all has me thinking of my infertility journey, and how crazy that I am having another child. Sometimes I want to reach out to people that I *think* are dealing with infertility, but who have not said anything. Just to listen, or offer support. But, I don't want to presume.
I read about a new kind of doula- an infertility doula, to help get through the IF journey. I was like, "I could do that!"

the nesting and cleaning drive

My favorite part of pregnancy, the organizing and nesting urge, has kicked in. Hurrah!
Now, if only I could share it with Mr. S!
And, if only I could get Acorn to nap properly, or not want all of my attention(silly toddler, who does she think she is, my responsibility, or something?)
Anyway, I've been looking around the house with 'new' eyes, seeing things to be gotten rid of, things that can be in a more proper place, etc.
I am falling into the normal "if only we had a bigger house" trap, most days, especially when seeing 'mudroom' or entryway organization, or playroom(ha!) ideas. Our living room is really just a playroom with a couch and TV also in it.
It is good to think of friends (like those in NYC and DC studio apartments) who use a small space, so well.

the season

for the first time since I was young, we have a live tree in the same house where I live. So lovely!
Acorn wanted a small one(her size) and Mr. S wanted small, so it is just a bit shorter than me. It is covered with red and white lights, and many homemade, and some bought, ornaments.
The house smells wonderful, I am making kale, bean, sausage soup(farmer's market sausage, which Mr. S (who is mostly vegetarian) eats) and just made a batch of spiced pecans to give as presents.
Acorn had her normal super melt down she has every Thursday, after she is watched by MIL. I am glad she has time over there, but am glad it is only one day(6 hours) a week, as she is always fussy. I think it is a combo of too much TV and extra sugar. She gets both at home, but in more limited amounts than at MIL's. To counteract both, we stopped at a local monastery, for some peaceful and non-stimulating activity, on the way home(it has an amazing garden, among other things) and walked around and looked at the lights.
Acorn had fun running through the 'tunnels' (a series of cloisters, very pretty) and is suddenly fascinated with Jesus, which is no surprise, considering the season. Our neighbors have a lit-up nativity scene, so I told her who he is(not in god/religion sense, just basics) and she is intrigued.
Part of our cloister walk conversation:
Me-"there he is as a baby, in the manger" (yesterday she heard a Christmas carol and wanted to know what a manger was)
Her-"Oh. I like the sheep"
"What is he doing there?"(later picture, her asking me)
"He is talking to God." (garden of gethsemane picture)
"But where is God? Why can't we see God?"
ah, the questions are just beginning.
We aren't atheist, per se, but not Christian, at all. Will have to talk more with Mr. S about all of this. We were both raised Christian, but are more pagan leaning, now. I look forward to exposing her to many faiths and traditions, and allowing her the space to explore as she wishes.

news and the listening child

It has been such a busy week, around here. End of the semester, my ever-expanding unwieldy-ness, Acorn's ever-increasing awareness of SO much. Can't hide anything from her. If Mr. S and I say *anything* about a negative event, emotion, etc, she picks up on it, and asks about it.
Example:
Mr. S- It was a stressful day.
Me- What happened?
Him: Some projects were almost complete...
Acorn- What was stressful? What is wrong?
Mr. S- finishes sentence-and I found errors, had to redo everything.
Acorn- What?
Me- It is OK, something went wrong at Daddy's work, but he fixed it.
She has always been super attuned to conflict, emotion, etc. Sometimes it worries me. We don't hide disagreements or discussions from her. However, we just aren't yellers, so our arguments are usually pretty mild. Usually, any discussion about emotion is when we go over something that happened in our day.
All of this runs through my head as I read the horrifying news from Connecticut. I had to wait until her nap to keep reading, I knew I'd get upset, and knew she'd want to know why. I didn't mind telling her about our cat dying, but THIS, I can protect her from.
The fact that a parent did this horrific crime just makes it 1million times more horrifying.

Oh my, trying to figure out how much insurance to get is so confusing!
I enjoyed Econ in college, but was rather sucky at it, as in it was not intuitive for me, and I'd often think I understood and get answers wrong on tests. I am usually a good test taker, and so having to study so much was hard, and I clearly did NOT retain the knowledge.
So, when comparing two plans, (from same provider) today, with Mr. S, it got rather confusing. Each has a large deductible and max out of pocket, but the prices are so different.
Knowing I'll be giving birth next year, my inclination is to go careful and pay more 'just in case.' Mr. S. (usually the anxious one) wants to pay less with the possibility of having to pay more(if we have complication, etc). We figured that by paying 2400 extra(premium) we potentially save 3800. Confusing.
In other news, we had the 20 week ultrasound yesterday. Things looked good, baby moved a lot. Baby did not cooperate with heart screen(which was one I was most worried about) but finally, I sat up and 'squished' baby, and that worked. We saw all 4 ventricles, relief!
And, the technician gave us some 3-D pics, which I usually find creepy, but I did really like them, esp. one where baby was all folded up, yogini style.
Also, baby folded hands near chin just as Acorn had at her 20 week u/s. Heart melting!

thanksgiving week musings

I love the short week, especially when Mr. S can take off. I teach Tue/Thu, so, obviously, only work one day this week. Overall, I love work, and it is a wonderful break from all hours parenting. But, despite family issues and politics, I love Thanksgiving, food, gathering. And now that Acorn is at the age where she loves playing with her cousins, I can actually eat and talk a bit!




Of course, MIL is trying to have the dinner 2 hours earlier than usual, when Acorn should be napping. But, I am trying not to worry about that, as we are usually first to arrive, and have to wait 1 + hours for SIL and fam. So, this year, we'll try and get her an early nap(usually epic fail) and call BEFORE we wake her, to see if they are actually there.

Major benefit of living 10 minutes from MIL's!




I have the oddest experience lately, and I know it is because I am with Acorn 90% of my waking hours. When she isn't with me(like if I am out at a store, museum, etc- usually after work or after meeting a friend) I miss her and want her to be there, but just for a minute. I will think, "I want Acorn to flash forward, see this, and then go home." Silly.



We have our 20 week ultrasound next week. I am excited and nervous. Hopefully all organs are developing wonderfully. I am ultra aware of how lucky we are to have sucha healthy child, and really hope we get so lucky again!

17 + weeks and out

We have done the official 'coming out on facebook' post. I did it on Sunday, as I wanted to announce it this week, but didn't want to do so on Acorn's birthday, which was Monday.
It is interesting to post a picture and news, so seemingly flippantly, when so many people don't really know just how much we have struggled with infertility. Or how surprised we were by the lack of drugs that it took for us to get pregnant, this time. I even had one friend write, "You crazy sexin' fools." Ah, if that were only all it took for us to conceive. Ha! I do know some of my fb friends have had struggles, and don't want our news to sadden or hurt anyone.

But facebook isn't a place for long conversations. So, though I post about pregnancy and infant loss, on October 15th, I rarely go in depth about stuff on there.

In person, I am quite comfortable talking about our challenges with infertility, and plan to continue to do so. I hate how there is still so much shame around infertility, or judgment about choices people dealing with infertility face. People who can conceive easily find it easy to say things like, "I would never do that." when they hear about IVF, or donor egg, or donor sperm. But, they forget that one NEVER knows what one will do, until challenged.

I started to feel the baby move last week. Pure joy and such a comfort!

I continue with my colds/allergies/pregnancy rhinitis, which make sleep a real challenge. If I get 3 uninterrupted hours, it is lovely.

NT Ultrasound, and I am 12 weeks along!

We had our nuchal translucency ultrasound yesterday. I have really been looking forward to this as a big milestone, because


A: it means we are ending first trimester(miscarriage risks decrease)

and

B: we get at least a clue as to whether my Advanced Maternal Age(love that term, ha) has effected baby.

The test is two-fold, blood and ultrasound. We have to wait for blood results, as they send them away.

But, the ultrasound went great. The baby is starting to really look like a baby, head, arms, legs, spine.

Nuchal fold was just the right size (so less likelihood of heart issues) and the nasal bone was present(so less chance of trisomy defects). Brain had two sides, all limbs present, heart beating well.

Relief, minor, worry still persists.

Mr. S. is still nervous and wants to wait until blood work comes back to tell our parents, I am itching to tell, but will wait until next week.

I am not *exactly* showing, but I am, to anyone who looks hard. I've always carried excess weight in my belly, so people may think I am just indulgent.

In other news, I can't catch a break, immunity wise, have had a cold or some bug for about 7 of the 12 weeks of this pregnancy. Ugh.

It doesn't help that Acorn has reset to waking at 6am again. Why???

In which I confess to Being Further Along

When we were doing IVF#2, I was so stressed at the idea of failure/miscarriage(having done both, publicly) that I considered writing the journal a month or so late. In the end, I knew I needed the online support, so I just asked some in real life friends to wait to read, which they mostly did.


This time around I decided I would wait a month. So, I wrote things as they occurred, but without specifics on dates, and saved them, to post, for better or worse. I really didn't expect to be pregnant. So then I considered just 'outing' myself, once we'd had the ultrasound, but I(and Mr. S, especially) was feeling superstitious/anxious, so I held off.

Long explanation, sorry!

Anyway, we are now 11 weeks along, with a due date in mid- April. Wowee!

Had my first visit with gw midwives, it went well, but our new insurance is crappy, and we may end up having to go back to the birth center(which we loved. but which is not convenient for work) because our price to birth at the hospital is HUGE! Sucks.

I got to hear the heartbeat yesterday. First the midwife couldn't find it and did the annoying worried thing of saying, "When was your last ultrasound?" (note do not say that to someone who had a miscarriage, especially if you've only been moving ultrasound doppler thing for 10 seconds. )  Then she found it, and the room filled with a nice rapid heartbeat. Yay!

Now I am on to feeling anxious about the genetic testing, which is next week.

one healthy bean

We had the ultrasound and saw one healthy tiny little sproutlet, with the yolk sac, and the heartbeat, hurrah. It measured 6wk1day on 6 wk 2day, so I may have ovulated the day after the IUI.


I had started to feel so nauseous that I was worried it was two, even though that is unlikely with a natural pregnancy, it does happen, esp. after 35.

Just one, phew.

Our RE said, "I am so happy for you guys!" and clearly was.

She also said, "I always think it is worth trying." which I didn't say anything to, as she had so actively tried to dissuade us from trying with IUI. I figure that even if she did recommmend we didn't do it, she did actually perform the procedure, and I bet there are Dr's who'd say it was a waste of their time and our money.

Mr. S.  hadn't quite believed it all, (it is easier to be believe in a pregnancy you are so clearly feeling) and got tears in his eyes when we saw the heartbeat. Sweet.

We've decided to wait to tell family(except my brother/sister in law, who are so excited!) because you never know, and I can't help but be worried about complications or general issues. I look forward to the 11 wk tests.

Nausea/fatigue is about the same with last pregnancy, but so much harder to deal with having an active toddler. Oh my!

At least I remember all the little tricks, eating tiny snacks, often. A friend recommended ginger tablets and they are helping.

Feeling grateful today!

color us pinkly surprised

About 8 days post IUI I had lots of cramping, and was like, "Oh well, period coming."


Four days later, no period(should have come) and I tested positive on a First Response test.

I honestly was floored. We knew the cycle was a bust! We were wrong.

The beta confirmed pregnancy, and was high enough to warrant no other betas. Ultrasound a week later.

We are both super cautious/worried, especially after Mr. S read the NYTimes article about males over 40 having a higher incidence of children with autism.

I am many things:

elated

excited

scared

incredulous (truly, truly)

worried

grateful

No matter what, we got pregnant together. This is my first pregnancy without meds, I feel proud of my body. I don't have to do shots!!!   (If you know us IRL, please don't say anything around others, very few people know, and not our parents(but my brother does) We want to wait until 11 weeks.

well, our first IUI was very frustrating, the whole day sucked!
Once we were given the all clear (bloodwork, consents, etc) our practice told me to buy a digital ovulation kit, which I've never used. Wow, those things are so much better than the cheapie ones I had been using (from target, 20 strips for less than $20). I tested on both, just to see if I needed to spring for the pricier one($40 for one month), the next IUI, and got a positive on the digital with the strip barely showing a color change.
Anyway, I called our practice to schedule the IUI for the next day. (I was a little disappointed, as I'd made plans with 4 other local moms to go to sandy point beach for the day, and had to cancel. ) It was a Sunday, so they are only answering phones for 1 hour(stress). I got my appointment and was told to have Mr. S 'collect' in a sterile cup at home, bring it in, and I'd go in 1.5 hours later. I told the nurse we didn't have a sterile cup, turns out they were supposed to give us one when we signed the consents. UGH. (when we did IUI's 4 years ago we were at a different clinic which had Mr S collect on site) she said, "Go to any CVS."

And then we both promptly forgot about it.
I remembered at 840 pm(as Mr S. was saying goodnight to Acorn) and he went out at 9 to find one. Well, that didn't work out, neither CVS or Giant had sterile cups. We improvised with the only sterile container in the house... a breastmilk bag! So, Mr S drove in on Monday morning, and was told he didn't have an appointment(he did) and then told they wouldn't accept the container. No surprise, but aggravating. He was told to go collect more, but as he'd just abstained the recommended 4 days, didn't feel there'd be any left.
He came home very demoralized.
He said, "Let's just cancel, and maybe move straight to donor s."
I snapped back, "No, who knows how often I am ovulating, we're doing it!"
He was like, "I don't know if anything will come out."
Me: "We have to try, I've been so anxious about this."
Him: "I am anxious/upset every day about this GD genetic disease." Well, that shut me up, he rarely gets visibly upset.
So, long story short, I said, "I want you to try, it is up to you."
Our RE called to apologize for the appt. error and ask us what we wanted to do. She had already called the week before to suggest we not try IUI, as DH's numbers were so poor(combined with my age, she said less than 5% chance of success) but I said, "We said we'd do this once, so we will." She suggested we go buy some cryo sperm, but I was determined we'd try with Mr. S's one time.
So, we got an appt. for 3 hours later, and Clove 'collected' again while Acorn and I read books upstairs. We dropped her at MIL's and drove to the appt.
An hour later, they said they were ready for me, and to undress. I said, "can I just pull up my skirt?" they said yes. "The Doctor will be in in about 5 minutes."
Then we waited ANOTHER HOUR! (those tables are uncomfortable, and we were hungry) Our RE had an appt. that went over by 45 minutes b/c they had an interpreter. She came in and sadly said, "There were only 200,000 motile." We weren't surprised(average for IUI is 10-50 million, for comparison's sake). Anyway, she inserted the catheter and said, "well you are definitely about to ovulate." and we were done.
It was so fast that after we left Mr S was like, "she could have gone for a drink of water during her other appt and gotten this done."
He was fed up with them, esp. that they had no record of our appointments that morning.
But, in general, we both felt better, for trying. We knew it was a long shot, but it seemed defeatist not to try.

post RE meeting

wow, I never posted after our appointment. As we expected, the RE suggested IVF as our only option, but was open to us trying one IUI on our own, and considering donor sp.erm. As she said, "It doesn't matter how you get the baby, you will love the baby." We appreciated that she was willing to have us do an IUI, even with Mr. S's low count. So, we did all of our bloodtests(std) and bloodwork(mine) turns out my fsh etc is still below 5, exactly where it was at 36! Take that, 40! I did have a slight elevation on thyroid so had to get more testing(and wait a month to try anything). Has anyone been to Quest for bloodwork? It was sort of crazy there, signs about drug testing and that we couldn't wash our hands in certain bathrooms. I was there with Acorn, and all the rest of the people there ignored us. Good news was no elevated tsh. So, we are going to go for unmedicated IUI. Our insurance negotiated a deal so it costs very little to do them. However, if we did medicated(even clomid) the fee goes up by $1500! Crazy. In the meantime, we've been looking into donors. Our local cryobank is well-reputed but not at all diverse, so we'd probably have to go with California.