another month the quixotic secondary infertility post

Mr. S and I agree we'd love to have another ch.ild, and we admit a lot of our desire is because we love the idea of Acorn having a sibling. Also, I love the idea of getting to know another person, and of the added love in our household such a being would bring.

It is interesting dealing with the continual arrival of my per.iod since we started *trying* in January. It just barely bothers me. Nothing like the years of getting it before we had Acorn. I do have a twinge of sadness, and I am aware we may not get another child. But, I am a parent! Acorn is a daily joy.

And I say *trying* because we know how unlikely it would be for us to get a baby without extreme medical intervention. What bothers me more is knowing how much work we need to do(and money we'd have to spend, money we truly don't have) to make any dream an actuality. At the pool, a seeming symbol of this area's high fertility, I have had to try and shrug away envious feelings, seeing kids spaced apart just as we'd like to have one.

When people ask us(which is often) about another child, I just say it would be nice. I am so tired of people telling me it will be easy for us. I want to hand them a textbook on Mal.e Fact.or Inf.ertility and just say, "Oh, so MY having a baby will change HIS body?" People are obl.ivious, and if they thing me hearing about others ease at 2nd child conceiving they are dead wrong.

Phew, I guess it does bug me a bit.

But, I remember the tears, the anguish and the wonder over whether I'd ever be a parent, and this pain(envy?) is so momentary compared to that.