A Parent

For those of us who struggled for years with infertility, the dream of becoming a parent seems like some wistful/hopeful possibility. At least that is how it was for me. I watched so many friends go from single-self to parent-self and was a bit envious. I wondered if I would experience that transformation. Once I was pregnant(and the baby stayed) I was so worried about the baby arriving, healthy, that I still didn't imagine that I would truly be a parent.

The first few months of Acorn's life I was still settling in to parenthood. When people said "Mom and Dad" I thought they meant my Mom and Dad.

Months later, and seemingly suddenly, I am. I am a parent. I worry about her, I put her first. I learn from her, what she needs, and how to parent. I identify with other parents. It is a bit crazy, honestly. To long so long for something, for something complex, difficult, heartbreaking and heartwarming. To have that longed for thing, that new self, arrive.