Tuesday, April 20, 2010

A Parent

For those of us who struggled for years with infertility, the dream of becoming a parent seems like some wistful/hopeful possibility. At least that is how it was for me. I watched so many friends go from single-self to parent-self and was a bit envious. I wondered if I would experience that transformation. Once I was pregnant(and the baby stayed) I was so worried about the baby arriving, healthy, that I still didn't imagine that I would truly be a parent.

The first few months of Acorn's life I was still settling in to parenthood. When people said "Mom and Dad" I thought they meant my Mom and Dad.

Months later, and seemingly suddenly, I am. I am a parent. I worry about her, I put her first. I learn from her, what she needs, and how to parent. I identify with other parents. It is a bit crazy, honestly. To long so long for something, for something complex, difficult, heartbreaking and heartwarming. To have that longed for thing, that new self, arrive.

8 comments:

  1. Whew... thank you so much for writing this. Today I needed the reminder of what this hard road is about.

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  2. So very true. What a lovely photo!

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  3. It's so true. It is so precious to finally be fully in this role. It did take a while to settle in -- I too always thought mom and dad referred to MY mom and dad!

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  5. My heart could have written this. It is crazy and so incredibly wonderful to arrive at this new place. You are obviously a wonderful parent.

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  6. even tho I am not expecting yet but I am always nervous and anxious to become a parent. I always wonder how it will feel like. I hope this day will come soon!

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