Sunday, June 7, 2009

18 weeks!

Hurrah, we are at 18 weeks. It is a lovely thing.
I haven't felt any "I know that is the baby" movements yet, but have felt many "I think that is the baby" movements. One of my friends sent me an email saying one of her favorite things was doing the 20 week ultrasound and seeing what she was feeling, that sounds wonderful. Our u/s is in 2 weeks.

This baby is starting to be more of a reality in my brain. Mr. S and I are revisiting the dusty "name conversation", one we shelved a couple of years ago, due to disappointment, etc.

I can remember us sitting at a bank, after we were engaged, opening our joint banking account for our wedding costs, and talking about names, and writing them out, so hopefully. That couple seems so innocent and naive. But, I know we have strengthened as a unit, through all we've been through these past 3+ years.

There is a baby at our pool who was born around when our baby(the one we lost) would've been born. It has been hard for me to see her, but I am feeling more OK, lately, and even held her yesterday, and saw her for herself, not some ghost of what almost was.

My friend gave me a lovely book called "A Room Lit by Roses" about a writer's pregnancy and it is beautiful and eloquent. She said something that stuck with me.
Her partner wants to buy baby booties, "but I say we must wait, not yet. As if one could stave off heartbeat by the refusal of baby booties."

Maybe that thought has loosened me a bit. I've started crocheting hats, from yarn my grandmother had in a craft box. Pink, blue, orange-yellow. We have 5 friends due before us and 3(as of now) due after us. Most will learn the gender of their baby before birth, we don't plan to. I'll hold onto a couple for our baby and for the babies to come after ours, and pass these hats out as the months go by. I love the action of the yarn going from straight, to a knotted circle, to a tiny hat for a tiny new person.


  1. I am so anxious to feel the movement too. It is getting so near!

    How wonderful you are beginning to truly start planning- names and knitting, and accepting the past.

  2. You always write so beautifully. I can certainly relate, remembering times after R and I first got married, talking about names and such. We're still waiting to have that fun conversation again, I know it will happen!

    I just realized my sister is exactly one week ahead of you! She is having her u/s today to find out the sex.

  3. I wish I could feel movement already... Even though it's supposed to come earlier (twins) I am still not sure. I hope you get your first "I know it's the baby" movement soon!!

  4. Hey! Congratulations on 18 weeks!

    Just wanted to update you with my new "secret" blog address for IF stuff:

    I'm not putting it on my main blog. Trying to keep some real life people from finding it. :)