Friday, May 22, 2009

tiny strawberries

A year ago this week I was in my first IVF two week wait. I was blissfully eating tiny, locally grown strawberries, and imagining my embryos implanting. Of course, that IVF failed, and I now think the IVF failed in the transfer(with the terrible doctor, the chills(they were out of blankets) and the cramping I had. But, that knowledge is current. The devastation of that failed IVF was unbelievable.

Now, one year later, I am eating strawberries from the same farmer, and I have the blissful feeling that those strawberries are nourishing our growing baby.

I still have fearful days/nights. I consider getting a doppler for peace of mind. (especially after afore-posted scary boat ride)... but, I hold out.

Last night, as I lay in bed, I put my hand on my lower abdomen, on the fibrous hardness that is now rising above my pelvis, and I swear I felt (internally) a small movement. It was exciting, and of course, can't be confirmed. But, I am closing in on 16 weeks, and have since read that people start to feel movement around now.

If I do start to feel the baby(I should say "Once I feel the baby!"), my doppler fantasies will dissipate!

Maybe then Mr. S and I will reopen the name conversation, the nursery planning, all of the things we've left untouched since our dashed hopes. We're still living week by week, uncertain about looking months ahead. Soon.


  1. Sure sounds like that movement is quickening, your little sprout needs more room! Looking forward to your "soon" soonest.

  2. I can understand your hesitancy. It never gets easier, does it? But soon it will be all names, nursery, diapers, etc! I'm so excited for you.

  3. Once you start feeling your baby move, it'll get a lot easier. Soon is right!

  4. PS - a lot has happened in this past year, since you last ate those strawberries. Amazing isn't it...

  5. Just like you, I have been thinking about 1 year ago and how we were both going through the two week wait after our first IVF. I'm happy that one year later, you are able to enjoy the tiny baby bump growing and enjoying those strawberries. Congratulations on making the 16 week milestone! How exciting!

  6. Hope you feel definitive movement soon and that it puts your mind at ease. It will be so great when your baby can "communicate" with you this way. enjoy the strawberries!


  7. wow, i remember all too well last memorial day weekend while we were camping i felt our little silas move for the first time. at the time, we didn't know the sex or have a name yet. i can't believe that was a year ago and he is not the 8 month old here with me today.

    i love the thought of you eating the strawberries and being in such a different place then a year ago. you are in such a hopeful place. congrats! sending you lots of healthy baby thoughts to keep you going...

  8. It's amazing what a year can do. You've come a long ways.

    I hope you feel your baby soon!!!

  9. love the story about the strawberries... wishing you many, many clear movements from your baby, so you can feel safe enough to plan names and dream...