Monday, March 30, 2009

the jar part 2. or, other people's excitement

I had a grand revelation today.
OK, it is probably only large to myself and Mr. S. But still, I am going to share it with you, my faithful readers(and friendly commenters)...

I was on the way to meet an old friend who has recently moved back to the area. I wondered if she'd ask anything about our 'state' etc. On the way, I decided I didn't want to tell her anything.

The reason?
I didn't feel I could handle her excitement.

It made me realize that that is probably the subconscious reason Mr. S and I have held off from telling our parents, and siblings(except my brother)... We worry they will get excited and hopeful, and they may start to 'dream aloud' and that is hard to take, when you aren't allowing yourself to do it. It is easier to tell friends, friends who understand your worry, and friends who are very very hopeful for you, but don't risk losing a family member, if you have a loss.

Of course, I totally ended up telling her.

I managed not to for the whole time we were in the museum, and through most of our snack at a local tea shoppe. But on our way out she started to recommend a medical practitioner for Mr. S to see, 'to help boost fertility.' and I just blurted it out... "Actually..."
She did get very excited, but was awesome when I said we're not ready to get super thrilled yet.

So, it seems the best way for me not to tell people is for me not to see them.

Next ultrasound: wednesday.


  1. This is so very cute. I worry about holding it in too. But at some point you will have to share with all!

  2. I think for me... if and when the next time happens, we will keep it to ourselves for awhile too. I know that it was particularly difficult on my mom when we lost our second pregnancy, and I think I would rather tell her after the fact if I weren't to make it through the first trimester again.

  3. I'm sure it's hard. I am very excited for you though!!!


  4. It's tough enough to deal with your own feelings much less other folks' feelings too. I hope the time flies quickly and effortlessly by!

  5. It must be so hard to deal with other people's excitement and hopes and dreams when you're doing your best to even deal with yours. I hope it continues to get a little easier over time, so you can have the excitement that you SO deserve.

  6. LOL! I could NOT be around people either if I were in your shoes. :)

    I'm glad she handled it well and can't wait to hear the u/s update from next week. Yay! (that was a very subdued 'yay' by the way)

  7. This is too funny. I'd totally do the exact same thing. Still excited for you though :) Can't wait to hear how the U/S goes.

  8. Oh I completely understand...everyone knew we were going through our IVF cycle -- so, of course, they were waiting for results -- and my mother has been the only one who is really not engaging in any hopeful talk yet -- oh, my MIL too -- but even G is so blissfully hopeful -- when I went to visit him at his work he'd told his longtime secretary and she just talked on and on excitedly at me and it just tied my stomach in knots ...even though I want to be excited...

    I'll be thinking of you for your ultrasound!



  9. Very excited for you and COMPLETELY understand!

    can't wait to hear about your u/s tomorrow!

  10. I totally get the keep hope at bay reaction. I hope that hope starts to creep in soon... The ultrasound tomorrow should help, right? Thinking of you.

  11. thanks so much everyone, I knew you'd understand!