Thursday, January 8, 2009

rain= gloomy, sun = cheerful

I woke up to a sunny day, after 2 days of heavy grey clouds and lots of rain(and 2 days of a low-level headache). Around noon, I took a long walk, and called a friend I haven't talked to in awhile. She was like "you sound great!" and I thought, "Wow, if I had talked to her yesterday I would have been doom and gloom!" I seem to be more sensitive to light as a mood effector, these days.

We are gathering funds for our 2nd(last?) IVF/ICSI. I am still a job-applying fool, but we plan to get started in February, regardless of insurance coverage. My RE is ready, and has just sent a tentative protocol. Exciting, scary.

We still haven't figured out whether Share.d is for us. In the shower today I thought "do you want to pay $11,000 for an insurance policy?" No answer presented. It seems like I am trying to trick myself into knowing what we should do, what is best. But, I cannot know, and that is VERY aggravating! If we knew we could easily afford the monthly payment on S.R. I think we'd do it.

I am realizing that the thought of a 2nd IVF experience, and all it entails, scares me less than it did before. I know parts of it will suck(hello, huge ovaries, hello egg retrieval) but I have been through it before. I'll eat and drink well, and hope, hope hope.


  1. It was so beautiful today! I too found myself much more cheerful and had much more energy.

    I guess you need to figure out if this is really it for you or if you would consider IVF again if it didn't work out. If you are thinking that more than one cycle is a possibilty, then SR makes more sense. I love that at SG, you can change or mind at any point and get all your $ back and I love that their definition of success is a live birth. I also like that is gives you unlimited FET's if you have frosties. It is a lot to consider. GL!!

    I am excited that you are starting.

    I would love one of your HOPE cards, I will email you my address later!

  2. I am sorry there are no easy answers and it's so costly.

  3. It does seem like it would be a lot easier, already knowing what to expect for IVF. The uncertainty and worrying if you (well, me) were going to screw something up with meds, etc was just an added stress that you will be able to avoid. I'm excited for you to get started!

  4. looks like we'll be sharing a timeline maybe? My retrieval is set for March -- but this is my first time -- last time I took follistim, before my PCOS diagnosis -- I was there's that level of worry on my part...

    We just took the shared risk leap. We were accepted..and I knew I wouldn't probably be able to stop after two failed cycles if it came to that -- so in the long run...we'll see -- I'm still adjusting to the entire idea and have two -- count 'em -- two contracts sitting around here waiting to be signed.... *sigh*

    May the next days bring some clarity on which road to take...


  5. I'm with you with the light and mood relationship... The sunnier the better my mood these days.
    Emily has a good point, if you see yourself being able to repeat the procedure a few more times, then SR is a good option. But the money is something important to consider... No easy answer... just one more thing that we have to find on our own. GL!

  6. The shared risk questions are so hard, sometimes I feel like I'm on a casino floor about to take a huge gamble. I still haven't decided.

    I think I'll be on the same schedule too! I start BCPs around 2/1 and then my retrieval is planned for mid-March. We can get through this together. I like the last sentence of your post, and I'm going to do the same!

  7. A. and I are thinking about you two and looking forward to seeing you both soon. If you ever want to talk about this in RL I'm always available! I just don't want to beleaguer you with questions about it. Sending lots of support your way!

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  9. Indeed, it is a lot to think about!

    I am happy to know that some of you will be cycling with me.

    Thanks for all of the positive energy!