Sunday, September 7, 2008

Feeling in Limbo

It is strange, in a way, I am thrilled to be pregnant and already dreaming of our baby/babies, wondering how they'll look, etc. (example, I looked at Mr. S's fingernails and his are pale pink like mine, our skin color is quite different, and I said "hey, we know what their fingernails will look like!"- goofy, I know)

But, I am also extremely aware of my upcoming ultrasound. I feel like I won't truly believe in this pregnancy until we've seen something, or even heard a heartbeat. We might have to wait another week for that, though.

Is this the problem with too much knowledge? It could be another cost of infertility, being aware of just how many things can go wrong. If we'd gotten pregnant easily, would I be this focused on the ultrasound?

Other than the people who read here, we've told our parents and a couple of close friends.

It was extremely gratifying to tell Mr. S's oldest friend, today. Mr. S asked me if I wanted to do it, and I said that I've told enough people(incl. his parents) and I wanted him to experience telling someone. It was great to hear Mr. S's reactions to our friend's reactions. When he passed the phone over to me, his friend said, "I am just so happy for you, I have tears running from my eyes." This guy loves Mr. S like a brother, and he and his wife dealt with IF, so I knew he'd be happy. Plus, he is an only child, as is his daughter, so I know our kids will be like cousins.

It is wonderful to have good news to share. It will be even better when we reach a point where we can share it without the postscript of "it is still early, you never know, please don't tell anyone."


  1. I really think IF makes us so hyper aware. I mean, we usually know we are pregnant before we even miss a period (well, except me, but that was from faulty hpt's). We miss out on the normal bliss and abandon to the idea of pregnancy.

    I'm glad Mr S got to tell his friend, especially one who understands what you are going through. So sweet that he was crying.

  2. I think only someone who has experienced what you have can truly understand how precious this is. I am so happy for you both as well. Although it still seems so surreal, I believe that this time next year you will be looking into your child(ren)'s eyes. God bless both of you and your growing family!

  3. I can imagine that J was totally thrilled. You and Mr.S are going to have the most beautiful kids. I went on to see what is happening in the 5th week. A heartbeat! Arm/leg buds! amazing

  4. I am so happy for you and your family and very touched by the story about Mr.S and his friend. I send my best for a wonderful U/S to help relieve your totally understandable worries.

  5. I felt the same way (not believing it was true) until the first ultrasound. But then I wanted to contain my excitement until the second ultrasound, and then the third. In fact, S got kinda upset at me because I was such a downer with the "if we are really lucky and everything goes OK" that I attached to every other sentence about the pregnancy.

    After the 9 week ultrasound (1st time we saw movement), I believed that YES, I'm pregnant, but I was then anxious about the nuchal translucency test and blood work. Then the AFP. Then the "big" ultrasound. Then feeling movement... it keeps going on, really.

    I think it's finally sinking it that... this is really happening. There is ZERO reason to think that anything is going to go wrong at this point. My chances are the same as the average person. But it is really hard. I do think that IF robs us of some of our naivete. :(

    I like how you let Mr. S tell his friends. My S did the same, and I also let him have the pleasure of telling the gender to some of his friends and family. :)

  6. thanks everyone. It is nice to have such sweet friends. And, yes, flitter, it is exciting that the heart should be beating soon!

  7. Yay for baby heartbeats, the most lovely sound you will ever hear in your life.