Friday, August 1, 2008

Why Not?

One of the pitfalls of infertility and uncertainty in general is that we want someone to tell us it will be OK. (Whatever It is: marriage/money/child/job/house) What those of us dealing with IF really want, is someone to say "You will have healthy children" and then tell us when.

Some days I think that if I just knew it would happen, I would relax. And wait. But, that isn't possible, for my personality, or in this reality we are in.

A couple of years ago I went to a "life reader" who had been highly recommended to me. It was my first time with any kind of psychic. She was right on for a lot of things(about my life, personality, husband) and assured me I'd have my own children. What she couldn't "see" was whether they'd be Mr. S's biological children or not. Ugh.
This is before we knew how severe his issue was, we thought it was a "just take vitamins and wear boxers" thing, and didn't yet know it was hereditary.

Anyway, I tend to be someone who wants to believe stuff like that, while having Ms. Pessimism/Realism on my shoulder saying "you aren't really believing this, are you?"

Nonetheless, I like looking at my very own Fairy Oracle, which Mr. S bought me. I look at the cards and read them and try and be calm and absorb the advice/lesson I need. I have been at this long enough(reading them, etc) to know that the cards aren't going to predict anything for me, but that I might get some peace in contemplating them.

Evergreen Baby posted a reading she got online, so I followed the link and did one too.
I like the cards and messages. And, they'll do for today, as my period has arrived, which means my FET cycle is a go!


15 - Bindweed
Life out of balance

You have the opportunity to ask yourself what holds you in bondage. What is out of balance in your life — what takes more than its fair share of your attention, energy and life force? When our addictions (whether drugs, alcohol, sugar, shopping, TV or any other drug of choice) run loose in our lives creating chaos, we need to take action to bring our lives back into balance.


0 - the Seeker
A new beginning

You are being challenged to take a risk and begin again. It's time to hit the road, either metaphorically or literally. Every time you set out on a journey, even if it's only a one-day hike, you embark on a spiritual journey as well. Be open to all the twists and curves in the road ahead. Be ready for surprises. Keep your heart open and maintain an attitude of innocence, trust and spontaneity. Take a risk! Before you is a brand new adventure — the chance for a fresh start and endless possibilities.


20 - Awakening
Resolution comes with raising your consciousness and "waking up" in some way. Perhaps you have made a commitment to eating locally-grown organic foods, or perhaps you've begun a new spiritual practice. You now perceive yourself to be part of the global community. You know that your choices and actions affect the entire web of life, and you live your life accordingly, as best you can. As you continue to open yourself up to the life of the Spirit, your heart is filled with compassion and you begin to let go of the judgments and criticisms you have made in the past. To live in alignment with your deepest, most authentic Self is not possible without the help of spiritual allies. It's this knowledge that keeps us humble. You know that your life has purpose and meaning, and this gives you deep joy and peace. Service to others may not have been part of your life in the past, but it is now. When each person gives their own unique gift to the world, the entire fabric of the planet is strengthened and enriched.


  1. Interesting cards. The awakening card sounds right on for starting your FET! A fresh, new beginning, with child-like openness and lack of expectation. Oh, I so hope this month is the month of BIG NEWS for you. :-)

  2. thanks! I am trying to be open and positive, but the "ivf didn't work" voice is big and strong. grrr.