Thursday, June 5, 2008

7days past 5 day transfer = 12dpo

I tested this morning and got another negative test. I got very upset. I was trying to do some yoga to relax and just started crying. Sad.

An hour later I had some spotting when I went to the bathroom, got more upset. Then it went away. Now I have slight, second wind hopes that we might have a late-ish implantation. We won't know until Sunday, that is when my blood test is.

Still, I am facing how hard I will take it if this cycle doesn't work. Having been told IVF/ICSI was what we need, and having the cycle go so well, I feel that if it doesn't work I will be distraught. I wish I could pretend otherwise, but this morning I just kept thinking, "How will I get past this?"

"How can I go to the pool?" This sounds trivial, but going to our local, cooperative, neighborhood pool is the highlight of my summer. It is super communal, I can be outside , with Mr. S and friends until dark, eating healthy food, and swimming when I get hot. But, the pool is a haven of babies and children, and getting through last summer was hard enough, but this will be so much harder. People ask us when we're having kids, people make lots of "everyone at the pool gets pregnant easily" comments, etc. I love being around my friends babies and children, but the constant visible reminder might be too much for me of what we might not have.

To distract myself, I went to my favorite nursery, with a gift certificate Mr. S had given me months ago(I am glad I saved it!) and got $50 worth of plants, mostly veggies, and native flowers. Plant therapy.

Something I did NOT buy. Barrenwort. I kid you not, that is its name!


  1. My best wishes for the blood test on Sunday. Plant therapy, I love it. It cures my Nature Deficit disorder, that's for sure. The community pool sounds fun and a kind of bummer, but I will hope for good things to come you and Mr.S' way.

  2. I'm with you - hoping for a late implanter! Good luck with the Beta.

  3. I hate the "when will you have kids" question. I always think....geee, let me consult my crystal ball. I even had one person just say "So, y'all don't want kids"...she was one of those...oops I got pregnant type. So naive.

    I'm rooting for you!

  4. The spotting went away, so that's a good sign. These are the worst days of the 2ww.

  5. Hoping and praying for a positive result for you.

  6. thanks ladies. Unfortunately, more spotting and very period- on its way cramps are going on now. :(

  7. I am so sorry about the BFN. It just sucks! ((hugs))

  8. I'm so sorry. Ugh. And I just got my period this morning.

    I really hope this isn't what we think it is, I'm think all the best thoughts for you, Poppy.

  9. Holding you in my thoughts. Of course, let us know if you need anything.