Friday, May 16, 2008

vidalia, roses, rain

I walked into a local supermarket last week and saw a large pile of onions, they were large and had slightly flattened tops and bottoms. I thought to myself, "The vidalia's are in!"

My grandfather would get excited each year, when the vidalias came in. I remember walking with him in the grocery store and him picking one up and saying, "These are different, they are sweet." Now that he is gone, and I am working on building my own family, memories like these really get to me. I am grateful I knew my grandfather enough to know such a small thing about him. I want my children to know their grandparents in that way. But Mr. S's father has emphysema, and I feel we've been on borrowed time for a while now. It is one of the hidden costs of infertility. I hope we can remedy it, and soon.

Our yard is covered in roses. The old-climbers on our fence are in full-blown bloom, weeks earlier than usual. A red profusion of loose petals(the kind that have a wide center, not a lot of petals), along with them are the roses I planted. Newer varieties, tea roses, large and showy and two of them are amazingly scented.

From the aforementioned grandfather(who raised me, with my grandmother, for 2 years) I inherited a saver's sensibility. One that is common with people raised in the Depression, or by depression era people. Normally I would leave all my roses on the branch. They live longer there. I might bring in one or two, to put by my bed. But rarely.

It has been raining on and off for a week now. Some of the roses have been de-petaled, and some look a little bedraggled. The wind is rising, tonight, and I decided to go and cut myself some roses. Outside, they make my yard cheerful. Inside they seem like an extravagance. Beautiful abundance.

I had my three-days of stims check today. Things seem to be progressing well. My lining is good, .61cm. I have 5 measureable(close to 1cm) follicles and 12 others. My estrogen is at 169. These are all things that seemed like code to me, but I've been looking things up. I get to stay on the same dosage and go back on Sunday.

In the meantime I look forward to promoting excess and abundance within myself.

4 comments:

  1. What a beautiful post. I'm going to keep checking in on you!

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  2. >>These are all things that seemed like code to me

    I remember talking to people about IVF and hearing about trigger shots and mixing meds, and at the time I just kind of glossed over it all. It's amazing how quickly you become an old pro when you're the one actually doing it.

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