Sunday, May 18, 2008

The Theory of Nicely Dressed Children

Yesterday we went to our neighborhood pool's pre-opening potluck. They had a fun aging-punk band, three tables worth of food and a couple of small beer kegs. There were kids running everywhere. They were in high heaven, playing in sand, dancing and running. As I ate I did some people watching.

I saw a very adorable girl
wearing a gorgeous cotton dress, it was sort of salmon colored with dark brown flowers. I felt she had probably been adopted(she was african-american and everyone with her was pale). I was trying to figure out whose child she was, b/c I am curious about adoptive families(I grew up with friends and family adopting). Anyway, after awhile I decided that she had been adopted by two men. It got me to thinking about the longing for children and the longing to dress children.

I have had moments, walking through a store like Target, where I just had to rush by the children's clothing section. Especially the toddler section. Something about those tiny outfits gets to me. How many people dealing with infertility(or a challenge to adopt/start their family) have been upset by something so seemingly innocuous?

It made me wonder if people who've had to wait longer than they'd like, to start their family, think more about the way they dress their children.

When my friend and her family arrived, she noticed the girl right away, because of her dress. I told her about the stories I was making up, and my theory of the nicely dressed kid. She added to it and said that when you are waiting for your child, clothing can be a tangible link. You can hold a hat and think, "My child will wear this, will fit into this."

In the meantime, I make hats and give them to friends who are having babies. I love doing this, and hope to someday be fitting one of my hats to my own child's head.

Later, I leaned back on Mr. S, with the beautiful late light golden everywhere and felt relaxed and peaceful.
I thought I would be SO STRESSED during IVF, what a surprise to be happy and calm!


  1. I have to avert my eyes when I'm near those sections in Target. I literally cannot look at them. Just. Too. Cute. And I can't bear to see them and the inevitable hoards of pregnant women and moms walking in those aisles.

    I guess I agree about the theory of nicely dressed children. But it might also be something like: "older-than-average parents and/or yuppie-types can afford IF treatments and/or adoption and can also afford really nice clothes." But hey, I'm hoping to be in that category, so no judgment here...

    I'm glad for your calm and peace. Love your posts.

  2. Sarah- you might be right about the money, but in my group of friends we all (including me for them) buy clothes at thrift stores. We are lucky to have great stuff there!
    thanks for reading.

  3. I think you are absolutely right - when you have to work so hard for something, I think you cherish it a bit more.

    Plus... we have a lot more time to plan all of this stuff out. :)

  4. I know what you mean about that. I think about it all the time. Right when we found out, I went out and bought a little kimono onesie from Target (the Dwell studio stuff) and I've had to stop myself from jumping the gun a little bit. But I know exactly what I'm going to buy for the little one when I can (and hopefully it will be on sale). For now, we just buy a lot of stuff for my niece.

    Also, the theory of Nicely Dressed Children should have a caveat for the children of gay men. Because they are going to look fabulous no matter what they wear.

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  6. Spr- You're right, we do have more time to plan!

    N- "caveat for gay men"
    that is too true! But, her nicely-dressed-ness helped me to figure out they were her Dads!

    I am worried I'll have to control myself a lot once we get our bfp.

  7. I was in Old Navy waiting on the benches outside the changing rooms while my sister tried on clothes... and of course I was surrounded by the toddler clothes. I definitely teared up looking longingly at it all.

  8. I have had so many rough moments in the baby section at Target - times when I thought I was just fine but then spontaneously started crying when I saw all the cute baby clothes.

    My brother's daughter has two dads and she is the most impeccably dressed person, child or not, I have ever seen in my life.